In this exercise inspired by ideas from the Values Compass activity by Dahl and colleagues (2009), you’ll investigate the consequences of using the problem-solving approach to make pain go away. You’ll rate the importance of different areas of life to you, such as family and friends, and how much you’ve been doing in these areas lately, such as having dinner with your husband and kids or playing basketball with your buddies. You’ll also figure out whether you’re doing much less or more than you used to do in these areas of life. Your answers to the questions that follow will help you later in your education to develop an action plan to live life more fully guided by your values.
Before you begin the exercise, download and print a copy of the Figuring Out Valued Living worksheet to complete, which is available below.
Now, let’s start. Look at the different areas of life listed on the worksheet.
- Begin with the boxes labeled “I,” which stands for importance. Using a scale from 0 (not at all important) to 10 (very important), write down how important, right now, each area of life is to you. You may have the same ratings for different areas of life (e.g., Family = 10 and Friends = 10), so don’t rank them in order, such as 1, 2, and 3.
- Go to the boxes labeled “B,” which stands for behavior. Using a scale from 0 (not doing very much) to 10 (doing a lot), write down how much, on average, you’ve been doing in each area of life over the past six months. You may have the same ratings for different areas of life, so don’t rank them in order.
- Do the following subtraction problem for each area of life, and write your answer in the box labeled “A,” which stands for answer: I – B = A. Then, circle either the plus symbol for a positive answer or the minus symbol for a negative answer. Circle neither if the answer equals zero. Here are some examples:
- Positive answer: 10 (“I” value for Family) 5 (“B” value for Family) = +5
- Negative answer: 7 (“I” value for Friends) 10 (“B” value for Friends) = −3
- Zero answer: 10 (“I” value for Health) 10 (“B” value for Health) = 0
Next, look at your importance ratings in the “I” boxes. Here are some ways to understand how you came up with your numbers:
- High numbers might indicate that when you’ve done things that matter to you in this area of life, you’ve had pleasant experiences over and over again.
- A low number might mean that you’ve had a lot of painful experiences and fewer pleasant ones in this area of life.
- A low number might mean that you’ve had little to no experience in this area of life as a source of pleasant experiences. For example, parenting is not important to you because you’re single with no kids and define parenting as having a child.
- Another possible reason for a low number is that you neither like nor dislike this area of life. You’re just doing things for others who matter to you. For example, you do community stuff with your best friend because your friend likes it. However, it’s always possible that the stuff becomes a source of pleasant experiences for you, and community becomes more important.
Now, look at your answers in the “A” boxes. Here are some ways to understand and use those numbers to live more fully aligned with what’s important to you:
- A zero value means you’re putting as much effort into this area of life according to its importance to you.
- A positive number indicates that you have room to do more in this area of life. The plus symbol stands for adding activities.
- A negative number suggests that this is an area of life in which to do fewer things. The minus symbol is a signpost to subtract activities because there’s a good chance of burnout, resentment, more distress, or a growing sense of meaninglessness over time when you’re putting more effort into something less important to you.
When looking at your numbers, it’s important to remember that you’re a historical being. You bring a rich history of behaviors to every life situation. To complete this exercise, you had to remember experiences to generate the numbers. The meanings of your answers in the “A” boxes are influenced by how you came to rate the importance of each area of life (“I” boxes), which you may change over time.
When you’re busy living life on the left side of the matrix, you put valued living on the shelf. Relating to pain the same old way over time, you might lose touch with what’s important to you. The more you strengthen your away moves, the more afraid you might become to go into what brings you unpleasantness, and the more quickly you might become irritated by painful thoughts, feelings, and situations. You might become thin-skinned, easily provoked into doing the same old familiar thing to try and move away from pain, creating a future in which you’re less able to stay with the pain that shows up in life and missing opportunities for valued living. Here’s one of the things John noticed in doing the Figuring Out Valued Living exercise:
John’s story. In this exercise, John rated the importance of work a 2 and his behavior a 10. The difference equaled 8, which suggested he put more effort into work than its importance to him. Therefore, John might want to consider doing less things at work. Now, it might be that work has become a solution for John to move away from his pain. However, for John, work had become a source of total bullshit: administrative, legal, union, political, and hurtful crap. John’s bullshit list grew quite long. He developed increasing anger, frustration, irritability, and intolerance to things at work. Thinking everything was bullshit allowed John to explain, deal with, and move away from painful work-related thoughts and feelings, such as calling in sick to work. John no longer saw any value in work, thus his low importance rating.
Want to uncover more about the impact of living on the left side of the matrix? You may investigate painful life situations and the short and long-term consequences of using the problem-solving approach to get rid of the pain by completing the Knowing My Painful Life Situations and Consequences exercise available in the handouts section.
Handouts
References
- Dahl, J. C., Plumb, J. C., Stewart, I., & Lundgren, T. (2009). The art & science of valuing in psychotherapy: Helping clients discover, explore, and commit to valued action using acceptance and commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
- Gallo, F. J. (2016). A practitioner’s guide to using the acceptance and commitment therapy matrix model. Frank J. Gallo.
- Gallo, F. J. (2017). Bouncing back from trauma: The essential step-by-step-guide for police readiness. North Charleston, SC: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.