We learn many things in life by pairing them with other things. For example, a smoker always has a cigarette after they have a cup of coffee. You feel hungry when the clock shows noon or after you walk into the kitchen. You feel anxious when the phone rings in the middle of the night, but not during the day. You always eat buttered popcorn when you go to the movies, but not at home.
In a nutshell, your behavior can come under the control of things that come before it. These things, such as having a coffee or going to the movies, function as signals. For example, a red light signals you to stop your car. A green light signals you to start moving.
Like a traffic light, your bed should signal you to sleep, right? But imagine someone struggling with stressful things at work and no longer falling asleep quickly when they turn out the lights. Instead, their mind gets busy and says, “What if I lose my job? What will I do? What’s my boss going to do? Will they support me? How can I support my family? What do I tell my kids?” And on and on their mind goes for about 1½ hours until they fall asleep. Now, instead of just reading or watching TV in bed before lights out, they are also worrying and lying awake. Their brain doesn’t automatically prepare for sleep when they get into bed. It might be time for reading, watching TV, worrying, or lying awake instead of sleeping.
The following techniques can help you train your brain to pair your bed with sleep so that when you get into bed, you fall asleep faster:
Use the bedroom for two activities only. Use the bedroom for sleeping and sexual activity. For example, reading, working, or watching television while in bed can contribute to the bed becoming a cue for wakefulness, being awake. The habit of attempting to control sleep or “trying” to sleep, believing that “if I keep trying, I’ll fall asleep,” can also cause the bed to become a cue for wakefulness, and trying to sleep backfires. It increases arousal, which strengthens the wakefulness system. Lying awake when you can’t sleep can also make the bed a cue for wakefulness.
Go to bed when you feel sleepy. Internal cues associated with feeling sleepy (or drowsy) are yawning and eyes are closing. You can associate your bedtime with feeling sleepy instead of external signals like after the 11 o’clock news, you go to bed. If you go to bed when you’re not sleepy, you’re more likely to think and worry, making it harder to fall asleep.
Get comfortable. Create an environment that promotes sleep. Your bedroom should be quiet, dark, and cool. Bright light in the evening delays your body temperature rhythm, with temperature falling at night and rising during the daytime. It also inhibits melatonin, whereas darkness facilitates melatonin secretion, promoting sleep and a drop in body temperature. White noise, such as the sound of a fan, air conditioner, or a commercial white noise machine, can mask noise, relax the brain, and make falling and staying asleep easier.
Get out of bed when you don’t fall asleep within 30 minutes after lights out. If you don’t fall asleep within 30 minutes after lights out or wake up during the night and don’t fall back to sleep within 30 minutes, you shouldn’t lie in bed tossing and turning, trying to sleep. The longer you lie in bed trying to sleep, the longer you’ll lie awake. Instead, you may go to another room and do something quiet and relaxing, such as reading a book, knitting, or listening to a podcast until you feel sleepy again (or at least 20 to 30 minutes), and then go to bed. We call this process the half-hour, half-hour rule that you should estimate, so don’t clock watch. The important thing is to do something relaxing instead of trying to sleep. The activity should be non-stimulating—something you can put down or walk away from easily.